ImmaCATulate Conception

Ok, so I'm really not 100% sure how to pronounce that one, but you'll see what I'm talking about soon.

So I'm at work today, like I am every single day almost, and I'm just going about my business. I think I was pulling food for the 30+ dogs we have on the adoption floor. Anyway, my co-worker comes running into the dish room and the following conversation commences:

"Amber, do you know anything about that kitten in the condos?"

"Uh, what do you mean? There's lots of kittens there."

"No, I mean the baby kitten."

"Haha, baby kitten. That's like saying baby infant. Or kid child. ...Wait. How in the f&*k? Show me."

So she leads me to the cat condos where, no lie, there is an adult cat and a two day old kitten, eyes shut, umbilical cord still roughly in tact. This is EXTREMELY bizarre. All of the cats at the shelter are spayed before they're put on to the adoption floor. There is no possible way for a cat to have kittens if it's spayed. So the next conversation commences:

"See Amber, I told you!"

"Well damn. So wait, how'd it get in there?"

"I have no idea!"

"Haha, maybe they left it in there [inside the mom] for a little longer. It's warm in there. I wouldn't wanna leave either."

So we toyed around with the idea that maybe a community service worker got irked with us for not taking in a newborn kitten and took it upon themselves to take it in and stick it in poor Daphne's condo. I still thought they may have left the kitty in the womb for a little longer, just to chill out you know. But my ideas never fly. ...Or Daphne was really Mother Mary and the kitten was a feline Jesus. I liked that idea a whole lot, too.

A little research was done and we found out that somehow one of the techs got some paperwork mixed up along the way neglected to spay this cat who was pregnant upon her intake, thus baby Jesus cat was born in the adoption condo sometime Sunday after everyone had left for the day. No signs of afterbirth, nothing out of place.

I'm guessing that this is a hint at the Second Coming. Jesus is a shorthaired grey tabby with black stripes. His eyes aren't open yet, so you're safe for now. But watch your back.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, mainly on the subjects of spirituality, enlightenment, and being without a partner.

I need to get back into deep, higher level thinking again. I used to write a lot of short philosophies and read Plato's works. I also read the Tao te Ching front to back as well as some of the works of Confucious and other Eastern philosophers. A lot of stuff has happened to me since those days, which were only about three or so years ago.

I guess I can blog about the past few years.

I was in an off and on relationship from the time I was sixteen until I was about twenty, almost twenty-one. The guy I was with wasn't exactly the greatest individual. We always fought, always bickered, and had next to nothing in common with one another. He taught me to shy away from the world around me. And I did. I'm still encased within my shell most of the time because he also convinced me that I was unintelligent and that no one liked me or took me seriously. I was actually engaged, with a ring, to this guy for seven months.

Thinking back it's sad at how blind I was. Because I was trapped in this relationship, it is extremely hard for me to show or tell someone that I like them now. I'm deathly afraid of rejection and most of the time it seems way better to stay friends with someone and never tell them how I feel because I think I'll just get rejected anyway. That's sad. Sometimes those thoughts lead me to think that I'll be alone forever. I know in my heart that I won't, though.

Near the end of our relationship, I would estimate for about three months prior to and six months afterwards, there was a stint where I was going to a shrink and a psychiatrist. I was extremely down and I would sleep for sixteen hours some days. They helped me out a lot but they also convinced me that I was crazy. In those few months I was prescribed to Celexa and Wellbutrin for severe depression, Klonopin for panic attacks associated with general and social anxiety disorder, Geodon and Abilify for manic depression, and Paxil for severe depression and to combat panic attacks.

Sometimes I'd be on three of these anti-depression/anti-psychotic drugs at once, plus the extracirriculars I was doing at the time. The casserole of stuff I blinded myself with caused me to oversleep a lot and do some really outlandish stuff. I still think my brain is messed up sometimes.

So those months are really nothing but a haze to me. I've gotten off of everything since then and I'm trying to rebuild everything I crushed. I have also cut ties with a few people and hope to keep it that way.

That's it, really. It was a wild ride and I'm glad to finally be off of it. I'm still getting used to not feeling like a zombie all of the time, though. Depression wise I haven't cried since July when my then boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. I've reestablished my social circle and I'm always looking for new people to talk to.

I suppose that's it for tonight. I picked up a copy of Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements at the bookstore last night and I aim to read it within a few days. I'll let you know how it is.

Skipper

So today I'm skipping my oh-so-fun and interesting Political Science course to wait on a friend of mine to come to my work. He's fallen in love with a basset hound up here and I'd really like for him to adopt the poor guy.

A lot of freaky noises go on up here when you're by yourself.

So I was thinking that it's about time to upgrade my phone. I've got a Samsung Gravity with a scratched up screen, no internets, and a sticky "n" key. I type words like "goinng" all the time and it makes me sound like a trendy teenage gurrl. At least I don't do the double ampersand thing ("&&"). That's annoying. But nonetheless I would really like an upgrade of some sort. That'd be teh dookie for sure! What I really need to do first is pay off the loan on my broken moped, but that won't be anytime soon.

I think I'm going to sit up here at the front desk and stare out the windows some more. Maybe Buford will have a home in a few minutes.

Double Entendre

Dirty dirty. That's what that means...

Yeah, so I took this picture in hopes that I would look as scene as possible. No, not really. I did get really bored in the woods with my tripod, though. I suppose boredom turns one into a narcissistic prick. I do tend to snap a lot of photos of myself when I'm bored. ...I honestly don't know where I was going with this paragraph.

Ok, so this is my first post. Hai internets! My birth name is Amber but I was dubbed "Hammie" by my parents when I was a youngin'. I'm not sure why, really. I know my pops, Gawd bless him, used to call me Ham Sandwich when we'd go fishin' at my Oma and Opa's house. He was an interesting guy. In fact, there were a lot of "ham" references when it came to my name. "Hammie" was really the only one that stuck and now everyone knows me by it.

I'm a random individual and I thrive off of spontenaity. I come off as shy at first but I get progressively louder. I can't really spell but I'm a professional writing minor. I work full time at PAWS Humane as a dog adoptions counselor. Pooper scooper, urine mopper. But I adore my job. How was that for six choppy sentences?

I must say, blogging has really changed since I last partook in the sport. I had a LiveJournal back in '02. I had a lot of friends at first and then they started trickling off. I kept it updated until recently, actually, and then MySpace "blogging" sucked me in all together. But this -- this is awesome. You can UPLOAD pictures and the layout isn't all hokey (pokey smokey artichokey). I tried Xanga once, too, but I couldn't get into it at all. LameXcore. LameSauce. Lame.

Mein Kampfy Chair. Yes, I went there. Published by Penguin Booksellers, Mein Kampfy Chair is an in-depth look into Adolf Hitler's 1930's era La-Z-Boy recliner. Inside you will find pocket lint, ashes (cigarette), 26 or so Pfennings, Schindler's List, bread crumbs, syphallis, a small child, and the other half of his moustache.

Now I'm just being silly. But isn't that the point?

So more about me I guess, since the first date is supposed to be introductory and all. I love, love, love to stay in touch. This doesn't necessarily mean I'm nosey I don't guess. I just like to know what's going on out there. I always have my phone on me, I have had a countless number of social networking accounts over the years, and I try to never burn my bridges. Through getting to know me, you will learn that I get the "hook-up" everywhere because of the not burning my bridges thing.

...Seriously. I can name a few examples. I get piercings and tattoos on the cheap cheap at about three different shops, I get discounted alcohol at the liquor store, if certain bands are playing at bars a cover charge doesn't apply to me, if I'm tired of walking after a shopping spree at the strip mall there are two people that will give me a ride in that green cart thingy, I get all the stamps on my frequent buyer card at a couple places for only buying one item, anything at the automotive store is at least half off -- there are probably a few more examples but I can't think of them at the moment. I'm too busy halfway watching my dog dream about running.

Needless to say, never burn your bridges and help people out whenever and however you can. It makes you a cooler person and you get the hook up. Plus Karma always comes back around.

I think I'm going to leave you guys with that. This. That. Whatever. That. Anyway. Take care internets. I'll see you tomorrow. Well, today. But it's more like tomorrow. Whatever.